My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
