Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
