bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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