alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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