yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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