hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
