The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
organizing the empties. That sober.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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