you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
