im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
