This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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