I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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