There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
