I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Randomize
