In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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