I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
