yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
