Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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