What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
organizing the empties. That sober.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
The cops high fived after they tackled you
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
