"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
