Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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