dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
