just tell him i said nine months
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
