and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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