I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I'm just crazy horny about you
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
