I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
