it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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