Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
