I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
