You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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