I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
The chlamydia really affected his face.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
