the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
