Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I am naked and annoyed.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
