The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
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