my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
