My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
