Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Randomize
