you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
