she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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