Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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