yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
