I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
