exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Did we literally take a cab across the street
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
