I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
