dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
