did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
