Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
