Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
