His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
