You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Watching her eat just hurts me
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
