if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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