are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
