Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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