My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
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